TEA PARTY

I’m going to a Tea Party!  I am going to have Tea with my new friend Michelle and it will be fun!  Michelle is in my Wahls Protocol Facebook group where I posted my very first story and she is my new friend.  Michelle read the story I wrote about how much I love my kitchen gadgets and she must love her kitchen gadgets too because she liked what I wrote and she said let’s connect!  And I said I would love to connect, Michelle! And she said let’s go for Tea! And I said I would love to go for Tea, Michelle! And so I am going to have tea with my new friend Michelle.  We will go on Monday and it will be fun!  I told my daughter the exciting news about my tea party with my new friend Michelle and she was concerned.  “Mom, do you even know this person?”  Well, yes Dear, she is my new friend Michelle and her last name is Ackerman, just like our cousins…Isn’t that cool? “No mom, that’s weird. Have you looked at her profile?”  No, but she is in my group so she is a Wahls Warrior or she is thinking about becoming one or maybe she has a friend who is a Wahls Warrior. I’m not exactly sure.  “What if she is really some creepy stalker dude? You should check her profile and look at her picture. To be safe.” OK dear, I will check her profile. And so I did.  Michelle has a picture of the beach on her profile.  Maybe she is a surfer girl, I don’t know for sure.  I will ask her when I meet her at our Tea Party. “Did you invite anyone else? It would be safer if somebody else went too.” Yes I did Honey, I also invited my new friend Beth.  Beth actually told me we were friends.  She said I love our new friendship! so I know for sure she is my friend.  She will protect me from Michelle if Michelle is really a creepy stalker dude. “Is Beth actually going to your Tea Party, Wynette?” (My kids sometimes call me Wynette.  I kind of like it.  It makes it feel like we are a super hip and cool kind of family) No, Beth never answered when I asked her. I said, Michelle and I are going for Tea, care to join us? But she didn’t answer.  Maybe she has a different Tea Party to go to or maybe she just doesn’t like Michelle…Oh! Wait!  I could ask Hannah!  Hannah is moving to Phoenix! “Is she in your group too?” Yep! And her picture is on her profile and everything and she doesn’t look at all like a creepy stalker dude.  “Wait you said she is moving to Phoenix?” Yep, when she and her hub sell their house.  “That’s great Wynette, but will she actually even be in Phoenix on Monday? And what’s a hub?”  My daughter is such a buzz kill sometimes...  We are having our Tea Party in a public place, Dear, at the Chakra 4 Tea House.  I’ll be fine. “Whatever.”  And so, I am going for tea on Monday with my new friend Michelle and it will be fun!

And good news!  I’ve made a lot more friends in that group too! Not just Michelle and Hannah and Beth.  First, there is Amanda.  She was the very first person to comment on the very first story I posted to the group.  Amanda will always hold the number 1 spot. She is #1. And then there are Ashley and Peggy and Joanne (Joanne thinks I’m Brilliant!) and Casey and Elizabeth and Alicia and Deborah and Noreen and Beverly and Kyle. And then Gold Medals.  Yes, I have a new friend named Gold Medals, but I don’t know if Gold is a boy or a girl, but I think probably Gold is the child of some famous Olympian and it’s cool to have a friend who has an Olympian for a parent.  Yay!

So many new friends! Rosalind and Chris and Sarah and Rosarine and Donna and Luanne and Jeanne and Linda and Anna and Halina and Ellen and Lacy and Sharon are also some of my new friends.  I have a new friend named Paula and also Jennifer.  Jennifer read about my love affair with Mason Jar and told me all about the thing she has going with Mason’s cousin Flip Jar.  She told me that she and Flip are in an open relationship and so I could feel free to check him out.  I like that girl. She is a nice sharer.  Plus, she messaged me separately so the rest of our friends wouldn’t run out and grab him first.  I like that girl!

Jeanne and Dena and D Tracy are also my friends and then there is Bossy Marlene.  Bossy Marlene is my new bossy friend.  I love having a bossy friend.  Marlene told me I had to post the story I wrote on Dr. Wahls website and then she wanted to know what Dr. Wahls said to me and then demanded my kale chip recipe and so I said, OK, OK, Marlene, I will post on Dr. Wahls page and I will post the kale chip recipe!  But I’m keeping Dr. Wahls comment just for me for now so you will just have to wait for that one. I love that Marlene is a little bit bossy with me. It keeps me on my toes. Plus if she ever comes for Tea, she will make sure we get a good table.  Julie is one of my new friends and I think she is one of the Bosses of the Group.  It is good to be friends with the boss! And the other boss is Lazy Amy. Her name is just Amy, but I like to call her Lazy Amy.  It makes me giggle when I call her Lazy Amy especially because she isn’t really lazy at all!  I just tease her about that. It’s OK to tease friends sometimes.  She is the other boss of our group and she also has the cool blog all about Bone Broth!  I checked it out. It’s super cool. 

I’m also friends with Heather and Lisa and Marci and Karen and Meeta. Lisa almost didn’t read my post but then she said she decided to after all. I’m glad she did, and I have forgiven her and so now she is my friend.  CB and Susan and Doreen and Mariella and Kass are my friends. Susan offered to help me with my blog site.  I think she can tell I am an amateur at this stuff and I need a little help.  She is a helper friend!  Kass is reevaluating his love life.  I think I will offer to set him up because I want to be a helper friend too.  Then there’s Kathleen and Pamela and Heather and Hurley and Becky. Becky is my patient friend.  She asked me to tell her more about my ceramic pan and I haven’t told her anything yet and she is patiently waiting for me.  And Shannon and Kathy are my friends as well. And so is Elyssa. Elyssa said she read what I wrote twice! Maybe reading it twice made it seem twice as good because she gave me the best compliment I think I will ever get. She said I am defiantly talented.  I love that she called me DEFIANT! That make me seem so cool! That makes me want to get a tattoo!  On my Tombstone I want it to say  “Here lies Wynette.  She was defiantly talented.”  Best comment ever!  I think Elyssa is probably defiant too!

Those are just some of my new friends, but they were the first. They were my friends on the first day…after Amanda, of course, because Amanda was first first. Amanda is number 1. And there are lots more people in the group that I don’t know yet, but when I do meet them, I am sure I will like them. I will like them because we share a common bond.  We are like-minded people. We don’t all have MS, and we are in wildly different places in our journeys, and we don’t all eat or exercise or live exactly alike, but we share a common bond.  We know that the monster is out there. Lurking.  And that we don’t even all have the same monster doesn’t matter. That’s not the point. We are bonded together in our belief that what we put in our bodies either hurts us or heals us and we are committed to healing, to keeping the monster at bay.  And that makes us Wahls Warriors. That makes us Wonder Women. Kyle and Kass and the rest of the boys are Wonder Women too in all of the best ways.

 

So, I am going to Tea on Monday with Michelle.  I hope I like her as much as I hope she likes me.  I hope we will laugh and that we will tell our stories to each other and show each other our Wonder Woman Bracelets and that we will share our crazy.  And I hope someday when we have our Tea Party again, more of our friends will be able join us, but if not, if it is just Michelle and me, that will be OK too. No matter what, it will be fun!  And I really, really hope that Michelle doesn’t turn out to be a creepy stalker dude.  That would be a big huge bummer.

TICO TIME

Native Costa Ricans are referred to as Ticos.  I am not a Tico but almost.  My dad was a Tico, a Native Costa Rican, and I have a whole host of Aunts, and Uncles and Grandparents and Cousins who are Ticos. Ticos are super cool and super laid back. And Ticos have their own way of marking time.  They call it Tico Time. Good name.  According to Tico Time, if you are on time, you are early, if you are late you are on time, and if you happen to show up early, that's just plain rude. Also, during the rainy season in Costa Rica, time is often measured by the weather.  It is measured by the rain. When do you want to go to the store?  Let's go before the rain.  What time did you get home from school? Oh it was late, not until after the rain.  I'm going to go to the movies during the rain and I'll stop by after.  You get the idea.

 

I don't measure time according to the rain.  I live in Phoenix.  That would be dumb. To measure time by the rain in Phoenix would be silly.  If I measured time by the rain in Phoenix, time would stand still...for months...and months...and months. Instead, I mark my time and determine my days by the salad.  The salad is the constant in my life.  For almost the last 2 years, it has been the unchanging factor.  There will be long days and short days and hot days and cold days, but no matter the day, there will be the salad.  And so these days, I live my life One Salad At A Time.

Three things are certain for me...death, taxes, and salad. By my best count, at this point I have had 711 salads. In a row. For 711 days straight, I have had a salad of one variety or another.  Sometimes field greens, sometimes power greens, and twice, enough kale chips to more than count as a salad.  My friend Tina gave me the recipe and they are the bomb.  They even contain carrots and celery and onions and a host of other good ingredients.  They are salad in the form of a chip. Perfection.  I will leave it at that for now because the kale chips are so good, they deserve the spotlight.  They are worthy of their very own post...tune in another day.

So anyway, if it's  true what they say, that we are what we eat, then I am a salad. A big one...super sized.  I am a gigantic super sized bowl of greens.  The toppings may vary and the names of the greens may change, but day in and day out, the salad remains the same and I mark my time by it.  Can we go to the mall tonight?  Yep, after the salad...When is grandma going to get here?  Not for 3 or 4 more salads.

I have no doubt at all that my intake of salad in the last 2 years is double my previous lifetime total. Easily. Speaking of the greens (look back...I spoke of the greens) Prior to my diagnosis, I had never intentionally eaten Kale other than in the form of a Chip (yep, it was Tina), or collards or swiss chard. Someone may have slipped some in somewhere but I doubt it…I think I would have noticed. Iceberg was my lettuce of choice or if I was really feeling adventurous, I would go with Romaine…bold move. 

 Ellen DeGeneres often plays games on her show.  I was watching once and saw one of her games. I don't remember the name of the game or how it was played, but I remember the answer to the question. I remember the answer because I didn't know what it was. The answer was Arugula.  I had to look it up. Sad. And now?  Now, I grow Arugula in my garden and I divide and count my days with salads. Big salads.  Beautiful salads. Salads with a plethora of different lettuces and greens. With greens and green onions and fruit and broccoli and cauliflower and beets and carrots and whatever the farmers market provides. With olive oil and balsamic vinegar and pepper. And sometimes nuts or seeds and usually some chicken and sometimes bacon. And an avocado.  Yep you heard me, a whole avocado. Every day, on my big huge salad. A big fat avocado.  No, I haven't gained weight...the opposite, but I will save that conversation for another day. I eat an Avocado every day and I use olive oil and coconut oil and other healthy fats daily, without restraint. Every day. Because fat is not my enemy. Sugar is my enemy.  I need to put healthy fats in my body.  They feed my brain. My big mostly made of fat brain. OK, want to play along?  This is where we all join hands and say it together..."Fat is not the enemy...Sugar is the Enemy, Fat is not the Enemy...Sugar is the Enemy"

...Kumbaya...

BIRECKI FOR CONGRESS?

At the end of the day, I find that it all comes back to the food…A few weeks ago my daughter was able to participate in an amazing school field trip to New York City and Washington, DC.  A great experience, to say the least.  She called me her 2nd night in DC and excitedly exclaimed  “Mom, you HAVE to run for Congress!  You NEED to be a US Senator!”  Say it isn’t so!  Are we finally past the stage in my daughter’s life where she is absolutely certain that I don’t know anything at all about anything at all?  Wow! She must think I am smart! She must think I am capable! That I can somehow affect change! OK, maybe she just thinks being a Congress Woman will force me to upgrade my wardrobe...or maybe she found out what the salary is and thinks I could use a bump in pay!  And so, I inquire…”Honey, that’s great, but what makes you think I should be a US Senator?”  Answer from my Daughter…”Because the food in the Senate Dining Hall is AMAZING!  It’s practically all ORGANIC and there is a TON of stuff that you would eat and I’m pretty sure US Senators can eat there whenever they want!”  Oh, now I see, it isn’t my sharp intellect, or my diplomacy. It isn't my sense of fairness or my willingness to work for change that is fueling her…no, instead, as always, it is all about the food.  She is super excited because she has found a job for me where the lunch room actually meets my food requirements. So sweet of you to think of me, dear, but I’m quite content right where I’m at and I think I’ll pass, at least for now.

That said, please bear with me for a moment while I step on my soap box…wait, first and this is important. It is "bear" with me, not "bare" with me...you can trust me on this.  I checked. I looked it up. "Bear with me" is a request for forbearance (hence the bear) or patience.  "Bare with me" is an invitation to undress. Huge difference, so it's good to be aware. Solid information to have so that you don't show up naked at some store that is having a remodel sale when their flyer was just asking you for a little patience due to the dust...but I digress...

Back to my box... My sincere hope is that when the men and women in Congress consider whatever version of the Farm Bill comes before them next, they put our money where, according to my daughter, their mouths literally are…into healthy, organic food options. Wouldn’t it be great if even a portion of the billions of dollars in farm subsidies was redirected into the hands of those folks who are dedicated to the delivery of organic, environmentally friendly and humanely raised food sources with as local a delivery component as possible? Just saying...

OK stepping off now and back to the topic at hand. Food.  Hasn't it always been about the Food?… Thankfully, with the exception of a dozen or so travel days a year, my current job is one where I get to work from home, so my food is taken care of. My lunchroom has everything I want and need…OK, not everything…a chef, yep, I could definitely use a chef…and a dishwasher (not the machine, I have one of those…I want the real person kind of dish washer that actually handles all of the dish duties)…oh, and I’d like to throw in a personal shopper while I’m at it. Yep, a chef, and a dishwasher and a personal shopper would be cool…Fine, let’s go ahead and call it what it is…I just want to be Oprah!

I AM WONDER WOMAN

I don’t cheat…never, ever, ever...Ever. First let me say, I’m a Wahls Warrior in training…I am a young Padawan and Dr. Wahls is my Yoda. I have days where my path is far less than perfect. That said, there is one area where I am uncompromising…I never eat anything that isn’t on my approved list. Ever. Period. (I’m a level 2 Warrior with a few additional self-imposed restrictions). For those of you that do dabble into the dark side from time to time, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not judging. Not at all. I commend your strength to be able to cross over and still have the ability to make it back to the light. I’m not that strong. No, my refusal to cheat isn’t due to will power, or my personality type, or my need to be perfect or somehow "better than". Far from that. I don’t cheat out of fear…pure and simple. It is fear that keeps me on track. So much so, that when I first began this journey, I actually had bad dreams where I accidentally ate something I shouldn’t have or that I inadvertently licked a finger while preparing some food that I no longer eat. And the fear isn’t that if I eat something I shouldn’t I will have a relapse…it is the absolute opposite…it is a fear that I won’t…that I won’t relapse at all…that I will feel no ill effects what so ever. I know myself and I know that if that were to happen, it could be the beginning of the end for me…an easy, slippery slope back to old habits...back to the dark side.
Much of my motivation comes from my kids. My 13 year old son now classifies food in 2 categories…”better to have” or “better not to have”. He has dreams and aspirations that require a strong and healthy body. He is intentional about his food choices and generally lives solidly in the “better to have” column. Well done, son. My 17 year old daughter is highly intelligent…smart enough to understand that her risk of future disease is exponentially higher simply because I am her mom. She isn’t waiting for the huge kick in the butt that was required for me to do things differently. She saw me get kicked and is smart enough to step out of the way of the boot. So proud of you, honey, you will make a great doctor.
So, I don’t cheat. Ever. Instead, every morning, I get out of bed, ready to embrace the day. I click on my Wonder Woman Bracelets and face the food that I am confronted with head on. I am Luke Skywalker…I am Zena, Warrior Princess…Yes, I am Wonder Woman, warding off bad food bullets with my magical gold bracelets.

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE...AGAIN!!!

My relationships have changed so much since my MS diagnosis almost 2 years ago. The first and by far the most profound change was a breakup...with my long term unhealthy relationship with food...lets just call it irreconcilable differences...I found that my "love" was literally killing me so I broke it off. Cold turkey. No second chances. No turning back. No regrets. That was one painful breakup... Ripping the band-aid off hurts, even when it's the best course of action. I went through very long month of withdrawal and mourning but was steadfast in my resolve to rid myself of that toxic relationship. When the dust settled, I was a full fledged Wahls Warrior and I found myself feeling better than I had in years. Free, actually. And open to finding new love! And I have. Fallen in love. Over and over again!

My first new love after the big food breakup came as a result of a blind date. My sister set me up...with Mason Jars. I was immediately smitten. It was only a matter of weeks before I broke the news to Tupperware that I was moving on...she was being replaced and would need to find a new home.

The Salad Spinner had been around the house for years, Hanging in the back of the cabinet, alone, unnoticed, neglected even. But when given an important role, a solo opportunity of sorts, (the daily spinning of the greens) Salad Spinner performed flawlessly and I was instantly head over heals. Love...

The Upright Freezer has been in my life for years as well, and although not as neglected as the Salad Spinner, he was an under appreciated friend that I often overlooked or took for granted. Upright freezer had lived in the garage, in a closet, and in the laundry room over the years...but no more! I'm love struck by my newfound respect for my old loyal companion, faithful keeper of the bone broth, protector of homemade soup, elk meat and free range chickens, guardian of all things smoothie. Upright freezer now stands proudly in the kitchen in all of his battered glory. Love rekindled.

I've done quite a bit of online dating. My dating service of choice is Amazon. Recently, I developed a serious crush on a Spiralizer and,well, let's just say so far so good!

With the weight loss that has accompanied my having left the abusive food relationship, I find I have the confidence to date "up". Vitamix, no longer are you out of my league, an unrealistic, unaffordable, unattainable love...and now that I have you, oh how I do love, love, love you...

Friends and family have continued to set me up. My mom introduced me to the Electric Pressure Cooker. I was skeptical at first, having once dated her stovetop cousin, but when she took a chicken from frozen solid to perfection in under an hour without even heating up the kitchen (an important quality in Phoenix in the summer) I went weak in the knees. Sweet love.

Once, at the store, I was just minding my own business when a Salad Shooter started flirting with me, whispering in my ear that he was currently 50% off...I am a sucker for that sweet talk and before I knew it I had taken him home...I am glad to say he is as advertised and never fails to deliver. Carrots, and beets and mushrooms, perfectly sliced and ready to roast, oh my! Love. Yet again.

I've even found love at the no kill shelter (I think some people refer to it as the Goodwill Store). Not just once. Twice. I have successfully rescued two dehydrators. Sure, they aren't Excalibers, but they make a mean batch of kale chips. Sometimes true love actually does come cheap, and if you are lucky, it can be found in multiple quantities.

All of this leads me to my newest love...she is somewhat of a mail order bride. I learned about her from my new social media friends. I researched her, compared her to her competition, ordered her, and then waited ever so impatiently for her to come to live with me and the rest of my love group. Oh my lovely ceramic pan, you are all that they said you would be...you are a one pan wonder! Your lid really does complete you. I didn't think it possible, but I have fallen in love once again.

Microwave, stop your pouting. Clearly you need to suck it up and get over yourself. Your time has passed. I know you feel left out because I no longer love you like I used to and I seldom pay any attention to you at all. Still, I will keep you around, at least for now, because you do shine a sweet light down on my newest love, my beloved ceramic pan...